25 December 2023

Giving Socks at Christmas

 


[spoken in 6/8 time]

‘Tis the night before Christmas; 

I search through the houses

For gifts that one niece, 

two siblings and spouses

Find useful both within 

and outside the home 

And end up requiring 

no more than one poem.

While some things improve 

from my getting this old,

It’s no less hard to handle 

these feet growing cold.

For once comes the season

to set back the clocks

I’m soon disappointed 

with all of my socks.

The price of thick wool pairs

put me in a sulk;

Till I made a decision

to order in bulk!

I hope it’s no problem

they all are sized L,

As I’ve seen how wool shrinks

so for all I can tell

They’ll eventually qualify 

for a size M,

Depending the method 

used laundering them.

May our feet being warm restore warmth to our hearts

To open our minds to our stressed counterparts,

Who we cannot agree with yet cannot ignore,

When the feelings they’re having voice words we deplore.

May our listening disarm each one’s need to be right

May soon come the dawning of rift-mending light.

24 June 2023

Verse medley from Lee Steele memorial

 For my mother’s memorial service I offered a medley of poems I had written accompanying gifts to her, spanning from her 81st to to her 95th birthday, along with extemporaneous commentary. [Click images to enlarge].


1. I spoke of how I picked up the family light verse tradition from my father following his passing…
To Mom (on her 81st birthday)

Two times two
we tie the shoe
at first it seems so hard
three times three
we climb the tree
and look beyond the yard
four times four
we stamp the floor
and dance while someone sings
five times five
new friends arrive
we try out different things
six times six
we seek to fix
and learn to compromise
seven times seven
We cease perfectin’
It will take many tries
eight times eight
we delegate
our children grown and gone
nine times nine
We seek a sign
And climb onto a swan
Then may that ride
Move with the tide
and keep afloat till when
the sun sets all
the clouds ablaze
As we reach ten times ten

2. I spoke about her musical influence and performed the Prelude from Bach’s First Cello Suite
To Mom on her 84th (in 12/8)
This birthday brings us to the extent
Of this home's capacity for things.
(Even if only but ten percent
Of that housed at the Von Rosenvinge's).
Generations of Eckerts, Hamiltons, Steeles,
All here well-represented,
In photographs, keepsakes, aluminum wheels,
Obsolete or as yet un-invented.
How then shall we trace back to its beginning
This ancestral accumulation?
Who first had the thought that, instead of discarding,
Possessions just change their location?
Even J. S. Bach, cleaning out his drawers,
Was loathe to store in the basement;
Humbly accepting that all his great scores
Would get tossed out by his replacement.
But we who are mortal must put off till later
The disposal of our earthly goods.
And you who were matriarch must now be curator
Till we get ourselves out of the woods.
4. I appreciated Nancy and Tom for revitalizing the Folly Cove homestead and taking care of Mom in her final years…
Christmas Eve 2011 [age 86]
As much as we would like to think
we're setting our own course,
An invisible hand tugs on the reins
of our trusting invisible horse.
Perhaps the wave that brought to us
these latest techno powers
Washed away the seashells of
Our carefree, unclocked hours.
What, one may ask, did we once do;
how did we flex our mind?
What forest paths did we explore;
what wonders did we find?
Would we recognize the brains we used
before our first P.C.?
Were we cursed or were we blessed
with inefficiency?
Whichever the case, I must profess
what I do know to be true:
Of all the families I could have been in
I'm blessed mine was with you
5. I appreciated the Gloucester UU church, which was my spiritual home 1995-2000, where I got married to Monica in 2001, and where my mother attended and was active on the pastor search committee in recent years…
89th birthday
Your eternity of searching
Will yet be gratified
When the next I.C.C. pastor
Skips down from the sky.
Steps lightly from the cloud bank,
The one—so thought our brain—
‘Twould hold us up should we bail out
From an over-crowded plane.
There has been one cloud in the sky
That does support my weight,
Helping me to stay aloft
While in a burdened state.
For you have also been my rock
As well as in the strata.
(Now may we no more sully clouds
With all our worldly data).
6. I spoke of my mother’s mission to get people together and build relations between us siblings…
2015 [age 90, family reunion]
With each stab at birthday verse
The best that I can do
Is share those streams of consciousness
That may apply to you.
Unlike my father's precedent,
My rhythm varies little.
In a world chaotic and unglued,
It's easier to whittle
From that wood already milled
To uniform dimension.
May the woodshop of my mind
Carve it with invention.
What does a birthday mark?
What length the shadow cast?
Is it just that less time lies ahead
With more lodged in the past?
The cooking we have savored,
The flowers we have sniffed,
That they were long ago partook
Makes them no less a gift.
Better we accept with grace
The odometer's reading.
There is no hack can sneak it back
To aid us in misleading.
Bricks of time stored in the vault
Absconded by a thief.
Though it would not feel like theft
Had I the ego of a leaf.
To let go of my perch,
No thought of asking more
Than to take my humble place
Upon the forest floor.
For is it not the final gift,
Of our precious time on earth,
To feel and know a peace within
Transcending death and birth?
And so to you my mother,
Who gave my soul its entry,
Your deeds surpassing mortal thanks
For serving as my sentry,
Patiently encouraging
My gifts all be explored,
Passing on the tools to build
A life of vast reward.
The most important lesson,
You taught despite distraction:
I am enough just as I am,
No need for further action.
In parental mentoring
We were truly blessed
By your offering of thought and skills;
Our friends were so impressed!
You encouraged us to not conform,
To give questioning looks.
Which left us, sadly, ill-prepared
To rid ourselves of books.
We gather here to celebrate
The last of a generation,
And for our collective willingness
To stay in good relation.
May that willingness stay strong
Wherever we may roam,
Such that within the other's heart
Each one may count a home.
7. I reflected on the nobility shown by both my parents in spite of what had been modeled for them, their unconditional love for their children…
2016 [91]
Twenty-nine years, twenty days between
The dates on which we came
Into this life, onto this earth,
And each received our name.
From that name we made attempts
To go against oppression
That our privilege both brought about
And left us space to question.
We helped ourselves to music,
Fine art and seaside dwelling,
Accumulating memories
For later storytelling.
Which deeds will be remembered
By who it matters not;
So long as it is known within
We gave it our best shot.
8. I talked about my mother’s receptivity to change and reinvention…
2017 [92]
One more reunion where I stand before
An aging grey relation
Who I have known since the days
That followed their gestation.
When TV sets were black-and-white,
When hi-fis had one speaker,
We said, “No, thank you” not “I’m good,”
And the “Jordan” was a “sneaker.”
This all means I came from somewhere,
Some place I can rely on,
With roots that may grow deeper
Than the stubborn dandelion.
And from the stem we flower;
May the wind convey our seed
To those who never did deserve
To live in such great need.
And the gift I have to offer,
Seeing value in the other,
Was one of many I received
By grace of my dear mother
9. I appreciated how my mom never pushed me toward becoming a therapist myself, but was excited when it happened…
One common counseling practice,
When reviewing our excesses,
Is to scan our early childhood
For the source of our distresses—
Such as our earliest memory
Regarding sex or money,
Why that which makes me feel morose
Is that which you find funny.
We may have process addictions,
Unveiled when we take stock.
Meaning a counselor may well ask
My earliest memory of Bach.
In fact I can remember
When first I was afflicted:
For as in many families ‘twas
My mom got me addicted,
Playing that First Cello Suite
With her bow and D-string,
Denying the long-term effects
It might have on her offspring.
This exposure may have started
At the tender age of six,
Finding me at 65
Still desperate for each fix.
Yet my mother also nurtured gifts
Ill-suited to the stage;
Modeling compassion
And principled outrage,
The leveraging of privilege,
Holding space for others’ pain—
Yet again to be a student,
Calisthenics for my brain.
Did she foot my tuition
Just so we could talk shop?
Well, the end-effect was humbling,
Baring pretense I could drop;
I came a slight bit closer
To living in the world,
With movements yet imperfect,
My sails hastily furled.
Music remains my ordered place
To where I may retreat
From the emotional chaos
Of those who feel defeat.
And when I start accounting
For all they failed to get
The less I take for granted
What’s so easy to forget:
That my mom was there for me
Through things both large and small,
Discerning what made sense to say
When first-born hit a wall.
What I’ve come to value most,
However much I know,
Is to keep alive the memory
Of what it is to grow.
For this my mother models
Right up through today,
Digging in her garden,
Painting like Monet.
Remaining forward-thinking
While chronicling the past,
She celebrates the present,
A first who shall be last.
More than ever we now need
To hold our elders dear;
For she is the one who leads us
To face changes without fear.
10. I introduced the hymn “In Heavenly Love Abiding”, recalling how mom had many hymns memorized in spite of not fully embracing Christianity. What I forgot to mention was that she led this hymn for my father’s memorial and that the last time we saw her alive–which was on zoom, other family around her in-person–Monica and I performed it for her. She passed a few hours later, making it likely the last music she heard.

01 January 2023

Invocation: a psychotherapist-troubadour muses on the human condition (last draft)

This is slightly revised from the spoken word/music video https://youtu.be/JNzj3aQMuLY


Towards the end of 2020

I started on this verse.

Things were starting to look better

But would soon be looking worse.

New insights I was gaining

From the counseling profession

Were helping me unravel

All the conflict and aggression.

Yet completion’s proved elusive;

The quatrains keep on forming.

Another headline fades to history.

The planet keeps on warming.

So it’s now or never, though I’m

Far as ever from perfection.

I just hope you somewhere here will find

Words worthy of reflection. . .


 

Is it knowledge or brash certainty?

The commentator asked,

Standing in the pond at Auschwitz;

One half century has since passed.

Today, it’s said division

Is increasing with each year. 

There may be two sides but likely

Just one heart, beset by fear.

Which fear, of course, depends upon

Just who or where we are.

Protections we may have in place,

So not to slip as far.

Some fear flooding, some wildfires,

Raging wounded men in blue,

Fear of automatic rounds

Aimed at the supermarket queue.

Fear of malnutrition

When your farmland has grown bare,

Fear of respiratory illness

When you cannot breathe the air.

A barrage of guided missiles

That make one fear the sky,

Fear of showing weakness

In spite of who may die.

Fearing Great Replacement,

Fearing violent overthrow,

With systems more in chaos

Than a Punch & Judy show.

 


Just who is it we will find in that

Stage wagon, painted red?

He’s called Punchman; but we see

Just his puppets, not his head.

The puppets act out stories

That become our public myths,

Shape our haloed institutions,

Build the marble monoliths.

While the puppet speaks sarcastic lines

That seem to empathize,

The puppeteer starts testing

The crowd’s tolerance for lies.

Repeating them until they’re “facts,”

Defying true perception,

Presuming the beleaguered have 

Survived on self-deception.

Calling whistle-blowers “terrorists,”

Indicted without proof,

While towards those truly wreaking terror

He’s typically aloof.

By owning major news outlets

Throughout the world and nation,

Where most discuss the issues

He controls the conversation. 

Wherever we spend money

He is there to get his cut.

He is Blackrock. He is Vanguard,

Long immune to antitrust.

Punchman cannot stop to think of

The ones whose lives he harms

When for profit and prestige

The veins are screaming in his arms.

One might think that for his children

Or their children he might ponder

The planet they’ll inherit

That he’s worked full-time to squander.

Instead Joker’s incarnation,

With painted grin as crass,

Parades through Gotham City,

His float spewing poison gas.

If he convinces you progressives

Are the ones who spell your doom,

Can they then still be the last adults

Still left in the room?

And if resolved asylum seekers

Have caused your loss of wages

Will you feel him pick your pocket,

Or hear children cry from cages?

Punchman busts up unions,

Targets those who immigrate,

Insists the ones who love America

Are the ones who share his hate.

It’s in his interests to promote

Whatever crisis that encumbers

A battered outraged people

From gathering in numbers.

Debts and fees restrain us,

In accord with his design,

And drain us of the strength we need

To join a picket line.

He tells working whites they’re chosen,

While he loots their meager wealth.

Equating “freedom” with a disconnected

Life of serving self.

Freedom . . . to strip the land

And not pay any tax,

Freedom . . . to ban the truth

And ridicule the facts,

Freedom . . . to let your carbon 

Footprint fill up craters.

Freedom . . . to emulate

The infamous dictators.

Defend freedom of religion,

Grounds to hijack education.

Declare freedom for polluters

To destroy all God’s creation.

Whose right to endless profiting

Was granted him at birth?

The child who lacked for nothing,

Except inherent worth.

Whichever be the symbols

We attach our freedom to,

When extolled on social media, 

Coagulate like glue.

The authors of the algorithms

Know well what makes us tick.

The manipulated brain

Tells the finger, “one more click.”

Tailoring the content

To a smouldering obsession.

Like to a substance, a disease

Which has its own progression.

 

Some will get the patient parent,

Who shows how to problem-solve

Without invoking threats and violence,

When conflict is involved.

But it’s different for the children

Whose dad rarely spared the rod.

They don’t learn to negotiate,

But keep up a facade.

In this narrative of upsmanship, 

An egocentric tale,

You get ahead by causing

The more principled to fail.

Those who grow up in turmoil,

Their attachment insecure,

Are left to seek out on their own

What can be known for sure.

Embracing a plain narrative

That casts out shades of grey,

There being no one to co-regulate

Them through a stressful day.

When she is the baby crying,

Without parent to console,

Will she one day learn to trust

And not need full control?

And if his father’s fragile ego

Forces him to feel less-than,

How does that shape his sense

Of what it means to be a man?

Whether the receiver

Or deliverer of taunts,

Most won’t see when their actions

Are in fact trauma response.

When the bullied seek revenge–

Their mal-adaptive quest to heal–

Inside old wounds are festering

They’ve been trying to conceal.

If theirs be a family who depends 

On blind loyalty,

The tribe’s only there to back them

Until they disagree.

Those witnessing the hanging tree,

Learn somehow to condone,

And dare not speak out from the heart

Through fear of being disowned,

Harbored by a faith that values

Those most willing to obey,

When the charismatic human

Claims to know what God would say.

When identity gets threatened

All means justify the ends.

Start talking like the other side

You’ll soon be losing friends.

We might not even notice when,

Or what we’re looking for,

The day we get conscripted

To fight the culture war.

Predisposed to feel resentful

And robbed of dignity

When those targeted by racism

Gain public sympathy.

Passing down through generations

A need for keeping numb,

And to ban the actual story

From the school curriculum.

 

Well yes, you look the other way

If science comes demanding,

When your living depends upon

That lack of understanding.

Make sacrifices for your children,

Send them to the finest schools,

While you pawn away their future

Aggrandizing fossil fuels.

Blank checks go to your lobbyists

Who wink then, with a smile,

Fork that hay to corporate livestock

Grazing both sides of the aisle.

Three hundred head of cattle

Stampede toward the bank;

With a Boeing or Chevron logo

Branded to each flank.

Well informed of coming mergers

Senate cowboys from their mounts,

Can’t stop grinning as the proceeds

Bloat their personal accounts.

Though the Swedish teen Cassandra,

Worked so valiantly to wake

The traders and insiders

From a dissociative state.

The cancer deaths from Roundup,

The opioid overdoses:

See the company obfuscators

Negate victims’ diagnosis.

One G.E. chief exec

From the eighties raised the bar

For worker deprivation.

Others soon dared go as far.

Now is Punchman that C.E.O.,

In Forbes celebrated,

Or a ecocidal system

Recklessly de-regulated?

Was that system ever scrupulous

Playing fair, above the belt?

Or is a Nazi-playbook demagogue

Its inevitable result?

Meanwhile in the Oval Office,

Some will come to question why.

Watch Deep State step in to tell them

Just what rules they must play by.

Then are Punchman and Deep State

One and the same behind that curtain?

Those who go back there don’t return; 

So no one’s truly certain.

How does one win election

Representing one percent?

You can subvert the process,

Certain not to be out-spent.

While talking gun and fetal rights,

Entitlements, taxation,

You masquerade as working class 

Though your world’s the plantation.

Where tax-sheltered oligarchs

Get their own jet or rocket.

All the inmates and war dead

Existed just to fill your pocket.

In fact, call yourself “pro-life,”

Though your profits come from death

And impoverishing children,

Once they’ve taken their first breath.

Ending up the hopeless youth

Who buy your AR-15s.

You won’t get charged with murder

Where you lurk behind the scenes.

And simply disenfranchise voters

Who don’t share your beliefs.

Then you cry, "election stolen,"

While actually, you’re the thief.

The Federalist Society

Supplies you ideologues,

Black robes for who ambition leads

To wait on first-class hogs.

Get it down to just three justices

Plus six lifetime infiltrates

Who simply transfer rights from humans

To your companies and states.

And you won’t have to worry 

About votes the left can muster

For the bills you find displeasing

When you have the filibuster.

There’ll be no checks, no balances,

Your powers undebated,

A scheme when fully realized

Is a people subjugated.


Once I would have found the words here

Too unsettling to believe,

But in time the myths I’d clung to

One by one came due to grieve.

I grieve for the indigenous

By disease and rifles killed,

My forebears’ cellar holes dug out

In ground their blood was spilled.

Those I fancied freedom fighters,

Of seventeen-seventy-six,

Were simply bent on building their own wealth

Through slaves and politics.

I grieve for all the soldiers

Who sacrificed to serve,

When the system they fought to defend

Kicked them to the curb.

I grieve the land protectors

Stabbed by corporate thugs.

Grieve the private prisons quotas

With the code-name War on Drugs.

I grieve for the enslaved and lynched,

The cruel construct of race,

By Christians lacking eyes to see 

The Christ in every face.

Sitting down to eat I grieve

The souls who daily face starvation,

Deserving nothing less than I

So privileged by location.

My first president warned his nation

Of the weapon-sellers’ malice.

And when the next came to de-escalate

He wound up dead in Dallas.

It was supposed to be Chicago,

CIA’s recruit had warned,

His last words: “I’m just the patsy!”

His TV death unmourned.

One million Viets forced South from North

Bred conflict 'tween sharecroppers;

Clandestinely a market built

To sell twelve thousand choppers.

Arms merchants ever confident

That Congress could spend more

Had the Gulf of Tonkin staged

To get their full-scale war.

I grieve the reverend, the poet, the candidate,

Their true assassins never seen,

For them and all those who spoke out

Against our war machine.

Was it the year of “Helter Skelter”

That Deep State was in its prime?

Emboldened by what it

Got away with that first time?

I grieve for climate refugees

Who used to till the soil

Now caked and dry and wasted

By our dance of death with oil.

I grieve the military dollars,

Fifty-seven K per second,

Destroying lives and habitat—

Not by their ledger reckoned.

They who could have stopped extinction,

With their endless spending power,

Instead bombed Muslim nations

Three times every hour.

Supposing we compared our values,

Had a humble conversation?

Might that free our shackled hearts

From bias confirmation?

Have you lived among the wealthy,

And not felt the need to share?

Or can you teach me how to survive

When grocery shelves go bare?

Has the class system held you hostage,

Left you missing true connection?

Does your soul pine for that day

You drop it all in the collection?

Did you march with ten thousand

Chanting “El Pueblo unido…”

While above in office suites

They plot to keep us dividido?

Were you sold by bounty hunters

To fill Guantanamo,

Yet have come to be a source of hope

Regardless where you go?

Our revels now are ended,

Though few yet understand

That Punchman claims it’s all about

Supplying our demand.

We don’t even have five years left

To reset the carbon clock.

We’ve ignored the Knowledge Keepers

Making pleas from Standing Rock.

You who grew up nurtured by the earth–

The mother of us all,

Who’s treating us now as we’ve treated her,

In spite of warning calls.

Did your people’s first encounter 

With those driven to possess

Leave you startled at their enterprising

Lack of humbleness?

All refugees from foreign lands

Where naught they could survive;

Is not their common origin

Some place we colonized?

My ancestors were Vikings

Who sacked the Emerald Isle.

They were the starving Irish—

As immigrants, deemed vile.

On whose backs came some to prosper,

To ride a limousine?

How’d exploitation become Christian

With the age of Constantine?

It’s time to find our gratitude

For time we have been given,

Learn what’s ours to sacrifice for lands

And waters that keep living.

With no latitudes remaining to

Escape extremes of weather,

We could perish each in solitude

Or we could act together.